Pneumatised!

June 13, 2007

Nathan and I had to go over to my mom’s place. We decided to try running there. We ran most of the way there. We ran from Sherbourne and Bloor to Broadview and Danforth, walked a bit, then started running again from around Carlaw to my mom’s place (near Danforth and Jones). The total distance to my mom’s place from mine is approximately three miles.

June 15, 2007

I decided to run the 5 km route I did last year (actually a total of 5.7 km). Starting from home, I headed to Isabella and Jarvis, then ran north on Mt. Pleasant (Mt. Pleasant ends at Jarvis) to Roxborough Street East. From there it’s a long run heading west. First, it’s west to Yonge and Roxborough Street West, then west to Avenue Road, north a little to Dupont, west on Dupont to Davenport. From Dupont and Davenport it’s a run southeast. Running on Davenport towards Yonge is the intersection where Church meets Yonge. From Yonge and Church, the run continues southeast to Church and Bloor, then south on Church to Isabella and home. I ran most of the route, which is good since it’s been awhile since I ran that distance. I ran all the way up Mt. Pleasant to Roxborough Street East. I walked a little bit on Roxborough Streets East and West, and ran most of Davenport and Church streets. I ran all the way from Church and Bloor to home on Isabella street. My time for the total distance was 42 minutes 13 seconds – not bad considering I walked some of it.

After I got home, rested a little bit and had some water to drink, I headed out again. I was going to meet Nathan at Yonge and Bloor in order to do some routine shopping. I ran the half mile there. I wanted to see how fast I could run a half mile after I did the 5.7 km. If I’m to run 10 km later, I need to be able to move again after 5.7 km. 😉 My time for the half mile run was 4 minutes 33 seconds – 17 seconds slower than my best half mile. But I ran that after a 5.7 km run so it’s not so bad of a time.

It feels good to run again the past few days. I think after doing the run to my mom’s place a few days ago, I figured I could do the 5k run. Though I had to keep reminding myself to break up the route into smaller chunks. It makes it easier mentally because you feel accomplished after finishing one block of the run, then you focus on the next block, and eventually you’re done. I’m thinking I will attempt another 5k run next week. In the meantime, I will try to improve my speed again on the 1 mile and 1.5 mile runs. Tthe 10k run at the do jang for the black belts is on July 6 in the evening. Black belts who aren’t testing are encouraged to run the 10k to support the ones who are testing. The last test this past November, I was a little under the weather and couldn’t run the 10k then, so I’m looking forward to running it this time. 🙂

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

May 30, 2007

I planned to go to the do jang, but I forgot my belt. I was too tired for a hard workout anyway. I decided to walk with Nathan for a bit before he went to tai chi, then I walked home. I ended up walking from Bloor and Spadina to Bathurst, south on Bathurst to Queen, east on Queen to Spadina, north on Spadina to Dundas, and generally walking in a northeasternly direction towards home. I walked through some side streets and through U of T campus until I got to Bay Street, then it was a walk directly east towards home. Unfortunately, I ended up getting blisters breaking in a pair of sandals that I hadn’t worn since last summer. The walk took about two hours give or take about fifteen minutes. It felt good to get the exercise though. Sometimes a long walk helps for building endurance.

June 6, 2007

I went to the do jang. I was late so I took the last twenty minutes of class. It was good enough because I was feeling tired and out of sorts.

June 7, 2007

I went to the do jang again. This time I managed to get there for the 7 p.m. class. I stayed after class and practiced patterns and some hand strikes for a while. I stayed until 9 p.m. for Nathan to pick me up after his tai chi class.

June 8, 2007

I went for a run. Nathan decided to go with me. We ran for about 15 minutes – covered about a mile and a half. Then I got a little bit of a cramp, so we walked a bit until we got to Bloor West, then ran to the track at Central Tech. I did one lap to see how fast I could run it – almost back to my top speed. Unfortunately, I cramped a bit again during the one lap so I ran roughly 300 metres instead of the 400 metres (1 lap).

June 9, 2007

Nathan and I went to see Pirates of the Carribean, then we walked home from the theatre at Richmond and John streets. It was late and the subway was likely closed. There really isn’t any point to taking the Yonge bus since we can walk up Yonge street to home easy enough.

June 11, 2007

Nathan and I went to the gym. It’s been a while since we’ve gone for a good workout so I insisted on going. I really needed to do some squats for my legs. Kicking so much in taekwondo can really aggravate the knee, so weight training is a good complement.

COMPLETE LIST OF WEIGHT TRAINING EXERCISES:
Machine/apparatus Exercises:
Pull-ups/chin-ups (this machine works on a counterweight, which means you are lifting your weight minus the weight you set the machine to; thus if I set the machine to 35 lbs, I’m really lifting 70 lbs if I weight 105)
-overhand (palms facing front) – 35 lbs
-underhand (palms facing back) – 30 lbs
-parallel (palms facing towards each other) – 30 lbs
Dips (same apparatus as for the chin-ups) – 25 lbs
Weighted squat machine – 120 lbs
Leg press – 275 lbs
Hamstring flexor/seated leg curls – 105 lbs both legs
Hamstring flexor (lying down on stomach) – 50 lbs both legs, 20 lbs single leg (this machine was broken again, the pin comes out of the bar that needs to be lifted – not a good thing)
Hip adductors – 100 lbs
Hip abductors – 100 lbs
Seated row – 65 lbs
Seated chest press – 75 lbs
Lateral pull-downs – 75 lbs
Pectoral fly (sometimes done using free weights) – 45 lbs
Reverse pectoral fly (not sure exactly what this is called, it works the rhomboids in between the scapulae/shoulder blades) – 35 lbs
Shoulder fly – 40 lbs
Shoulder lift/press – 45 lbs
Back extensor – 180 lbs
Bicep curls (usually done using free weights now) – 30 lbs, or 15 lbs single
Tricep extensor – 40 lbs (the dips do a good job of working the triceps, plus a special kind of push-up that I learned from taekwondo)
Leg lifts (I do a set of 30 reps. Lift legs out in front, the right, and the left. Doing the leg lifts to the sides helps work out the obliques/side muscles. I hate the new apparatus for this. I can only tolerate the apparatus once in a while because it aggravates my back, even though it’s supposed to be ergonomically designed.)

Free weights:
Two additional shoulder exercises
– lift weight in front using shoulder muscles
– bending at waist lift weight out to the side using muscles along the scapulae (this is the same as the machine that works in reverse of the pectoral fly)
– wrist strengthening – 15 lbs
– dead lift – 30 lb bar
Other exercises:
Pushups (I’m slowly working on single handed pushups – it’s very hard! For now, I’m just holding myself up on one hand for a 10 second count)
Situps
Cycling
Elliptical

May 31st was a full moon. I ended up doing a ritual for TTWG. Actually it was supposed to be a combined ritual with my group.

It was fun to do a full moon ritual. I did a ritual to Hekate and Hermes. The ritual was about magic since it was a blue moon. A full moon is considered powerful for magic. A blue moon is the second full moon in a month, happens about every 2.5 years, and is thus more powerful than an ordinary full moon. The ritual was fairly simple. Some brief words about magic, and then we spent time absorbing the power of the blue moon.

Unfortunately, it rained earlier that day so the ground was wet and damp and there were lots of mosquitoes. I got uncomfortably bit on my hand and on my legs (where the repellent rinsed off when I was cleaning up afterwards – have to be more careful with applying the repellent; otherwise it works).

Overall, it was fun to do a ritual for a small group. There were five of us in total, and I was happy to do a public ritual – good practice for me.

BB,
Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

A week and a half left to register for this course! I will be taking registrations up to 48 hours before the course start time. If you want to register, please call or email me by the morning of May 7th.

LEVEL TWO (OKUDEN)
Saturday, June 9, 2007
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
(one-hour lunch break at 1 p.m.)
Saturday, June 16, 2007
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
(one-hour lunch break at 1 p.m.)

Please see http://www.brigidsflame.com/reikicourses.html for course description and contact information. You will need to contact me for fees and location (located near Yonge and Bloor).

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

May 13, 2007 was Mother’s Day. Keeping that in mind, public ritual was about motherhood and the nature of being a mother. We had to move our location in the park that day because some people were using our normal spot (probably left right when we would have to start). Priesthood wasn’t around by 8:15 that night, so I decided to find another location. We got a little spot just off the main clearing where there was an apple tree. We then formed a circle around the tree. I thought having the tree in the center was a nice idea. In any case, I got lucky and didn’t have to do ritual. The Priestess was running late and showed up just in time.

May 20, 2007 – Yay! We got our park location back. Really didn’t think the same people could be in the park every Sunday for the whole spring-summer season. The ritual that night was one dedicated to Athena. That is about all I know. I spent most of the night hiding in the trees keeping an eye out. I’m starting to get used to being in the park by myself there. Really, I’m not alone because there’s a group of people in the distance. Amazing how well you can hear at night in the park.
athena ritual

May 27, 2007 – It was raining, so public ritual was moved indoors. It cleared up by the time ritual started, but it is likely that the park had some large puddles. The ritual was an “Eldering” ritual, that is, we acknowledged someone as the community’s Elder, in this case Rod aka Tarostar. The ritual recognized the contribution he has made to the community. It was a lovely ritual and Rod was dressed in Elder gear. I note that looked very much like the hermit in tarot cards carrying his staff and dressed in a robe (although the robe was red). People really look different in ritual some nights.

My private group did a spring cleaning ritual this month. This consisted of burning down remnants of past rituals such as papers and leftover candles. I had a good pile of leftover candles to burn down, mostly because they were large pillar candles that didn’t burn down well. Hehe… I made the fire grow quite big. Think it scared the Priestess that night though – not used to the big fires yet even though a big wok contains fire quite well. I thought it was still fun though – didn’t even get cold that night. 😀

This Thursday I will be Priestessing a semi-public ritual for TTWG. It’s a blue moon that night, that is, the second full moon in May and also, the third of four full moons in spring (a season usually only has three full moons). Blue moons happen about 2.2 years. (If you understand the Chinese lunisolar calendar, the reason for this is the same as for a leap month in the Chinese calendar. Although the blue moon isn’t necessarily at the same time as the Chinese leap month – the Chinese calendar involves different calculations.) Because the blue moon doesn’t happen every year, I wrote a simple ritual involving blue moon magic. Hopefully it will be fun for people. If you know about TTWG, you know that the full moon rituals are always held in the park year round – rain or shine. So far, it looks like rain, but warm. Hopefully, we will still have some fun on Thursday.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I went for a run. I ran to University and Charles, then ran/walked to Nathan’s work. The total distance is about 1.6 miles.

Later, we went to watch a movie (saw Hot Fuzz). When I got home I practiced some kicking techniques.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I went to the do jang. 😀 The first class we did patterns and one-step sparring. The second class was a regular class. I stayed afterwards for a bit to practice patterns and some more kicking.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I went to the do jang again. The class turned out to be non-contact sparring. It’s sparring season, that is, tournament season. Master Kim likes to give some extra time for the competitors to practice sparring.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I decided to run to Nathan’s work again. Picked him up from work, then we walked home.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I went for another run. This time I ran only 1 mile. It was little slow like last time, but I was a little tired. A few more consistent weeks of running and I should be back up to running 5 km. The do jang’s 10 km run is on July 6. Our taekwondo Master likes to have the black belts run even if we’re not testing for our next dan to encourage the people who have to run it for the test. I missed out on the run last November as I was a tad sick, so I’m hoping and excited about running the 10 km again.

Monday, May 14, 2007

I went to the do jang again for poomse class and our regular class. There was a new person, so I paired up with her just to help her out. Turns out she took karate before, but just hadn’t done much exercise for about a year. I thought she was doing pretty good though. Some people can get pretty out of shape in one year, but she was still in decent shape. After a week or two, she’ll be fine with the cardio kicking classes.

Afterwards, I went to the gym again.

COMPLETE LIST OF WEIGHT TRAINING EXERCISES:
Machine/apparatus Exercises:
Pull-ups/chin-ups (this machine works on a counterweight, which means you are lifting your weight minus the weight you set the machine to; thus if I set the machine to 35 lbs, I’m really lifting 70 lbs if I weight 105)
-overhand (palms facing front) – 35 lbs
-underhand (palms facing back) – 25 lbs
-parallel (palms facing towards each other) – 25 lbs
Dips (same apparatus as for the chin-ups) – 25 lbs
Weighted squat machine – 120 lbs
Leg press – 275 lbs
Hamstring flexor/seated leg curls – 105 lbs both legs
Hamstring flexor (lying down on stomach) – 50 lbs both legs, 20 lbs single leg
Hip adductors – 100 lbs
Hip abductors – 90 lbs
Seated row – 60 lbs
Seated chest press – 75 lbs
Lateral pull-downs – 75 lbs
Pectoral fly (sometimes done using free weights) – 45 lbs
Reverse pectoral fly (not sure exactly what this is called, it works the rhomboids in between the scapulae/shoulder blades) – 30 lbs
Shoulder fly – 40 lbs
Shoulder lift/press – 45 lbs
Back extensor – 180 lbs
Bicep curls (usually done using free weights now) – 30 lbs, or 15 lbs single
Tricep extensor – 40 lbs (the dips do a good job of working the triceps, plus a special kind of push-up that I learned from taekwondo)
Leg lifts (I hate the new apparatus for this; might start doing these on a bench or the floor instead; did these on the floor in taekwondo class)

Free weights:
Two additional shoulder exercises
– lift weight in front using shoulder muscles
– bending at waist lift weight out to the side using muscles along the scapulae (this is the same as the machine that works in reverse of the pectoral fly)
– wrist strengthening – 15 lbs
– dead lift
Other exercises:
Pushups (I’m slowly working on single handed pushups – it’s very hard! For now, I’m just holding myself up on one hand for a 10 second count)
Situps
Cycling
Elliptical

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

I went to the do jang for poomse class, and then took the regular class

After the do jang, I went to the gym.

COMPLETE LIST OF WEIGHT TRAINING EXERCISES:
Machine/apparatus Exercises:
Pull-ups/chin-ups
-overhand (palms facing front)
-underhand (palms facing back)
-parallel (palms facing towards each other)
Dips (same apparatus as for the chin-ups)
Weighted squat machine
Leg press
Hamstring flexor/seated leg curls
Hamstring flexor (lying down)(this machine wasn’t working properly)
Hip adductors
Hip abductors
Seated row
Seated chest press
Lateral pull-downs
Pectoral fly (sometimes done using free weights)
Reverse pectoral fly (not sure exactly what this is called, it works the rhomboids in between the scapulae/shoulder blades)
Shoulder fly
Shoulder lift/press
Back extensor (did a back strengthening exercise in taekwondo class)
Bicep curls (usually done using free weights now)
Tricep extensor (the dips do a good job of working the triceps, plus a special kind of push-up that I learned from taekwondo)
Leg lifts (I hate the new apparatus for this; might start doing these on a bench or the floor instead; did these on the floor in taekwondo class)

Free weights:
Two additional shoulder exercises
– lift weight in front using shoulder muscles
– bending at waist lift weight out to the side using muscles along the scapulae (this is the same as the machine that works in reverse of the pectoral fly)
– wrist strengthening

Other exercises:
Pushups
Situps (did a hundred in taekwondo class, including side situps)
Cycling
Elliptical

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I went to the do jang and took two classes. The first class was good because we get to work on what we felt needed work. The second class was a cardio kicking class.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Men can be abusive. Women can be abusive. Abusers are likely to be men, but women can be as abusive. This has not been stated often enough. Women can be as abusive as men.

One key myth about abuse is that an abuser becomes one because they were a victim of abuse. Research into abuse shows this is not the case. Many abusers use the “I was abused and therefore I can’t help it!” as an excuse for their behaviour. Sometimes it’s true that it happened. Other times it can be a big lie. Not all abusers were abused in the past. In either case, when someone tries to excuse their abusive actions with “I was abused”, it is merely a ploy to garner sympathy. Once they have sympathy from others, they feel that their actions are justified and they are free to continue to be abusive – after all, others understand it’s because the abuser was abused before. The reverse of this myth is also true. Whether or not someone has been abused is no indicator that they will be an abuser. There are many people who were abused who do not become abusers.

How does one recognize abuse? What is it? How do you recognize an abuser? The book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, delves into this and more. The author also points out that a woman can be as abusive as a man, as there are cases of abuse in lesbian couples as well as homosexual couples.

Abuse can vary in levels. It can happen in small ways or in big ways. It often accumulates over the years. Often, abusers will start with something small to see what they can get away with. Then they gradually escalate the level of abuse.

There are different forms of abuse – physical, mental, and emotional.

Most people are aware of physical abuse. Not many people are aware of mental and emotional abuse.

Abusers are known to be controlling and angry. These two qualities are key aspects in an abuser’s profile. Abusers do not know how to deal with anger. They then take that out on the victim by attempting to control that person. Methods of control include everything from physically hurting someone (so they do only what the abuser wants and not what the abuser disapproves of) to injecting negative thinking patterns on the victim (with comments such as “You’re a whore! You’ll never amount to anything. You’re no good without me.”) Another key component of control is manipulation. Abusers will try to manipulate others. Manipulation is important to an abuser because it can help to confuse matters and hide their intentions. Manipulation is also important as it gives them the sense of control they need. Abusers will use manipulative tactics in order to maintain a line of dialogue between the abuser and victim in order to prevent the victim from leaving (the relationship). Often the victim will lose sleep, feel anxiety, or even worse, just get plain sick.

There are differences in male and female abusers. Female abusers may not ever physically abuse someone, but they can be mentally and emotionally abusive.

Abusers can be anyone you know. They can be your father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Abusers will often get as close to you as possible – physically, mentally, and emotionally. They will get to know everything about you as it helps them find ways to control and manipulate you and your life. Some abusers are also stalkers or will become one after the victim attempts to leave. They will attempt to be in every part of your life, never giving you a moment to yourself. Abusers’ ultimate goal is to control the victim because they cannot control their anger. Thus, abusers will never choose to leave a relationship permanently because they need access to the person. The person that leaves an abusive relationship is always the victim.

Abusers rarely change. They will convince themselves they have done nothing wrong. They believe they have done nothing wrong. Abusers are often in denial about their actions and may try to manipulate the victim into thinking s/he is the abusive one. Abusers are also capable of distorting the truth of the matter so that it looks as if the victim is to blame or is in the wrong.

I read the above book a few years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. The relationship lasted six months only (thankfully!) and consisted of mental and emotional abuse. After reading Bancroft’s book, I realized there were a few other relationships in my life that were or had been abusive. Along with an ex-boyfriend, other abusers in my life included an ex-husband, a sibling, and yes, even a female friend. In all of these relationships, the abuser was unwilling to change. I ended all of these relationships, and I am better for it.

I hope that people take all forms of abuse seriously. At least read Bancroft’s book and be aware of the issue. He exposes many myths about abuse and abusers and clarifies what really needs to be done. The best and only solution that seems to work requires the victim cutting all ties to the abuser. If you are counseling anyone in any form of an abusive relationship, be aware that trying to reconcile the two parties is not the solution. The victim needs to be removed from the abuser as soon as possible. If you are counseling an abuser, be aware that s/he will not change if s/he is in denial about the abusive behaviour.

(Side note: Abusers are controlling and angry, but not all controlling and angry people are abusers. Some people do learn to deal with their anger and control issues before it even becomes abusive behaviour. It seems though that once a person adopts abusive behaviour, they rarely change.)

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame